I tried to go out with a gentleman again... and it was a disaster, not because of anything he did but because I could not do it. Though it helped me as I have finally accepted that I am to be alone in this world, I have friends, I have family.. perhaps in time I will find love. But at this time, it is better to be alone then to give someone who does like me false hope of me ever truly loving them. Perhaps I am broken, perhaps because I was not raised being shown love, I do not know how to. I don't know, I grow tired of hurting people who want me to love them and finding that I can not. The one I did love I hurt worst of all. Though through all of this, I found acceptance and peace. Perhaps I can find the friendship again that he and I once had. For him to be happy is all I ever wanted truly but I have been blind for too long. Now that the storm in my soul is no longer raging, I hope I can be a better friend, a better person then I have been. I am truly at peace for the first time in my life, I suppose that is a good starting point to becoming the person I hope to be.

With acceptance comes clarity. I believe I know my path now and I am finally feeling peace. What may the future hold, this I do not know, to many things in play. But I do know where I will be when the time to chose comes because my choice is already made. In everything... always the hard part for me is the agony of making decisions. But when they are made, good, bad, right or wrong I stand by them. I am not perfect no one is. This life we lead is a whirl wind that leaves us breathless sometimes because of the good... sometimes in defeat but the choices are what we live with and by.

So much has now changed. Friends are now considered traitors to the crown for helping in the rise of a new god being. One that was locked away deep underground, with chains that should not have been broken. The being was being used by the demon lord to increase his own powers, so I understand getting IT away from him... but even weakened that being seems immensely powerful. So many questions. Why was it trapped there... who trapped it.... surely not the demon lord.. something that powerful.. in my own estimation would have taken the power of the gods as well as the will of many adventurers to see it done. What has been unleashed? Many think it friend. But as for me, I am not so sure. At the end of one war the Demon Lord defeated, do we now find ourselves on the thresh-hold of a new war? One that will pit friends and family against one another?... SO many questions going though my mind.. so few answers to find as of right now. Something High Cleric Shamson the Holy said last turn resounds in my mind, so I will quote him ~ "Please bear in mind the cunning owl. The owl hoots an invitation to all creatures of the woodland. It is surely a wise creature, but should a humble mouse accept the invitation?".... Surely we are mice in this beings view, one has to wonder what it will do.